Are you waiting for a guy who doesn’t know what he wants? It is perfectly normal for people to not know want they want when they initially meet someone. Although they might have goals for their life or general plans about what they want for the future, it takes time to get to know a person and to find out whether they have similar goals and whether they can actually give you what you want, and vice versa.
A relationship is only as strong and healthy as the two individuals that make up the couple. Is the guy you are seeing really what you are looking for in a boyfriend? Do I really like this guy? Do I just want a boyfriend? A good rule of thumb is to ask yourself the right questions.
Are you able to feel happy both in a relationship and outside of a relationship? This is an important question. If you do not experience pleasure, satisfaction, peace, tranquility, and positive self-regard unless you are in a relationship with another person, you might believe that the only option for encountering these features is in a relationship. This is a concern because you are associating these positive traits with being in a relationship, and not something you can experience as a single person.
“Breadcrumbing” is like wading in the ocean instead of diving in and getting your hair wet. You want to see how it feels, but you are not willing to look silly or risk feeling embarrassed. A man who “breadcrumbs” may think he is protecting himself, but he is doing quite the opposite. He is revealing much about who he is and what kind of partner he would be. Likewise, how you handle being “breadcrumbed” says a lot about you.
When it comes to obsessing over a guy, I often ask my clients, “What would you be doing if you were not obsessing?” Next I ask, “What would you have to feel if you were not obsessing?” Obsession about someone can be a way to avoid painful feelings.
If you have recently gone through a divorce or a break up, you may be worried that you will never find love again. Being in a painful marriage which ends in divorce can often leave women feeling unloved, or worse, unlovable. Feeling sad, confused, lonely, betrayed, angry? These are all feelings that women report as they navigate the painful process of divorce, but feeling unlovable can be one of the most painful.
Fear is part of the human condition. and we will all experience it at times, especially when it comes to emotional risk. There’s nothing more scary than liking or loving someone, putting your heart out there, and being vulnerable. Fear of intimacy is a very common issue. We don’t want to open ourselves up because we are afraid of being rejected or getting hurt. But getting hurt will not kill you, even if it feels that way.
For a relationship to be healthy, however, it has to develop and deepen beyond the idealization or pleasing phase. Your partner also needs attention, and you both have the need to be accepted for your true selves, including your vulnerabilities. You may want to ask yourself the following questions to determine whether you are truly interested in him, or if your interest is more contingent on the attention you have been receiving.
When a romantic relationship ends, especially when you did not initiate the break up, we experience deep feelings of rejection and abandonment. Even if you were having your own doubts about the relationship, we can still feel abandoned and rejected. This pain is made worse if you are caught off guard and weren’t expecting the relationship to end. Either way, rejection hurts. Rejection shares the same pathways in our brains as physical pain.
It can be extremely painful for a woman to want more intimate communication with a man, especially if she thought they were on the same page initially with regards to the relationship. As a therapist, I stay very curious when working with a woman who wants more emotional intimacy from a relationship than the man does.