The first step is to understand our emotions – writing in a journal about them, talking with trusted friends or family members, or talking with a therapist (who know a LOT about and have studied emotions). We are relational beings, and it’s anxiety provoking for most all of us to feel or see or notice our partner pulling away. It can trigger a host of fears such as:
So, you have just met someone and you want to try to get a better sense of who he really is. To better understand a man at a deeper level, I would recommend asking the following question: “What’s your highest priority?” Asking this question will tell you a lot about what he values in his life and what is important to him. Shared values are the most important ingredient in assessing a relationship and whether your relationship can evolve and move to a deeper level. The type of priority that he has will also tell you what sort of person he is. If it is a superficial or external priority, like money, that tells you that he is focused on achievement, competition, and external success. He might be someone who is driven by needing to prove himself, which could reflect a deeper sense of insecurity.
What do you do when you are seeing someone for a while and the relationship seems to be stagnating. Yet you’re getting older and are concerned that if you wait any longer, time may run out for you to start a family. Your biological clock may cause you to make some unwise decisions, so be careful. Here are some things to consider:
If self sabotage is a problem in your relationships, it is time to look at your part and to do some work on yourself. You might have to dig deep and it may take a while, but you can get to the root of this issue. There are many reasons why we can sabotage our relationships, without even consciously knowing what we are doing. Many self sabotage patterns stem from unresolved unconscious conflicts that have not been identified and addressed from early childhood.