“It is necessary, and even vital, to set standards for your life and the people you allow in it.”
~ Mandy Hale
As you know, casual sex without emotional ties is not easy for everyone.
Yet, some people enjoy the physical connection and simple camaraderie, more than the intensity of a romantic, emotionally intimate relationship. FWB is a relationship with no strings attached.
But what happens when your attitude changes and you want more.
How do you shift a casual physical relationship into a real relationship with commitment, trust and real feelings?
- Start sharing more of yourself, so your friend gets to know who you really are.
- Invite him to social gatherings, where he meets your girlfriends and even family.
- Watch to see if he includes you in other aspects of his life, a sure sign that he may want something more, too.
- Don’t always be 100% available, keeping him intrigued and interested in what you’re doing and with whom.
- If you start using affectionate terms of endearment, like “hon” or “babe”, he may get the hint and do the same, indicating he feels a stronger connection to you.
- Show your uniqueness. He’ll believe he’s the luckiest guy in the world to know you.
- Perhaps, reveal to him how you truly feel. Once you tell him, the relationship will move on to a committed one or dissolve, but at least you know where you’re at.
If your desire is to be his girlfriend, it will be extremely difficult to keep the relationship as it is indefinitely.
After all, you want more and you deserve to have all your needs met. Your goal is to not have another failed relationship, but one that has chemistry, a strong foundation, is filled with romance and excitement and your feelings are mutual.
Amy Sherman, M.A., LMHC – www.yourbabyboomersnetwork.com
I think it can be great if you can redefine a friend’s with benefits relationship as an actual committed relationship.
Having a friendship as a foundation for a romantic committed relationship is probably the best start you can hope for. Most of the time, you begin with an attraction and then begin the process of really getting to know if someone is right for you. In this case you more or less already know.
There are a couple of caveats.
Obviously you both have to want to intensify the relationship for it to work. If he is fine with it being casual, that’s probably how it’s going to stay. That will be very difficult if not impossible for you. It’s hard to hold back your feelings in order to keep him comfortable. I think eventually you will feel hurt and probably rejected as his message is essentially, “You’re great for fun and sex”, but not for love and commitment.
Even it you are both ready to take this step, understand that this will be a different relationship.
Romantic, committed relationships typically bring up much stronger emotions than friendships. You are each much more vulnerable because there is now so much more to lose.
Any childhood or past relationship issues concerning trust, or abandonment will likely surface. It really is a different relationship, not just an intensification of your friendship.
While it may be difficult to broach the subject, you need to tell him that your feelings are growing.
I just don’t think you can just stuff them away and continue on as usual. Hopefully he will feel the same and you will be ready to start this new journey. Even though you are already friends, remember that this is different.
Don’t rush it or make assumptions.
Like any relationship, keeping the lines of communication open and talking to each other about your thoughts, feelings and needs is the best way to insure your growth as a couple.
Sally LeBoy, MFT – www.sallyleboymft.com
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