“It is necessary, and even vital, to set standards for your life and the people you allow in it.”
~ Mandy Hale
Here are some strategies to get through it with more ease:
1. Give yourself time to be sad.
Allow yourself a week to wallow in the sadness, confusion, emptiness that you feel. Talk to your friends, cry it out, write about it, etc. But put a time frame on it so that you can move on and begin to shift your focus.
2. Do not play detective.
Don’t go looking for reasons why. Bottom line is that this guy is no longer interested in pursuing a relationship with you and he could not give you the respect that you deserve by ending it in an honest way. He is no longer worth your time.
3. Rethink the situation.
Do you really want to be in a relationship with someone who can stop communication at any moment? The answer is, “No!”. Stop thinking of yourself as a victim of ghosting and think of yourself as being liberated from a person that does not possess the tools to communicate his needs.
4. Schedule something that you can look forward to.
Take a girls trip over the weekend. Book a massage. Go apple picking. You get the idea. Book your calendar for something that is fun and is for you. Shift your focus on looking forward to something instead of thinking about the end of your relationship.
You are a strong woman who has survived more than this in your life. You can move past this with a little time and effort put in to self-care.
Jessica Colarco, LCSW, PLLC – www.jessicacolarcolcsw.com
If you have been talking to someone who has stopped texting you out of nowhere, you may be left with hurt feelings or a sense of the bewilderment.
Why did he stop talking to me? Was it something I said? What did I do wrong?
It is natural to ask these questions, but just because someone has stopped talking to you does not mean that you were at fault.
Most people will stop texting you out of nowhere because they have other things going on. You may not be a priority to them even though they may be a priority for you. In addition, some people do not consider text exchanges or drop offs as serious enough to warrant an explanation.
In these times it is very easy to text someone and think that you have a relationship.
That is not necessarily the case. Just because someone has been chatting with you does not mean that they consider it an actual relationship. It may make more sense to consider an actual relationship as one in which you speak to each other or even see each other live.
A real relationship involves more than brief or superficial electronic communication, although for many, this is what they do right now.
If you are truly interested in someone, take the time to make an actual phone call.
Better yet, try to see each other in person, even if it involves social distancing. Put some effort into having a true relationship with someone that you think is worth getting to know.
Texting is easy, but it can also be the lazy way out. Take the time, invest, and turn over the results to the universe. The right thing will work out.
Anita Gadhia-Smith, PsyD, LCSW-C, LICSW – www.drgadhiasmith.com
Well, what to do. Is there anything you can do?
Obviously you can shoot him a text and see if he responds. Maybe he lost your contact information. Maybe he broke his thumbs.
When a man stops contacting you or showing sufficient interest, you can probably assume just that there is insufficient interest on his part to keep up his end of the relationship.
It’s terribly unsatisfying to not know what went wrong, but sometimes you just don’t get to know. What you do know is that he doesn’t even have the decency to communicate with you. Personally I wouldn’t waste my tears over someone like that.
There are basic prerequisites for being relationship material.
Dropping a woman with no explanation is not one of them. He’s just not worth your time. However, if you need to ask what to do, it might indicate that you aren’t really relationship material either.
Different reasons of course.
It suggests to me that you are unsure of what to expect out of a partner.
You may not feel good enough about yourself to recognize when you’ve been disrespected.
If that fits for you, I’d recommend some individual therapy to get to understand the roots of your insecurity and to begin a process that will help you feel better about yourself.
You are entitled to be loved and respected.
You have to believe that though to recognize when it’s not happening. Figuring this out is probably the most important thing you can do to find a good relationship. Time to get started!
Sally LeBoy, MFT – www.sallyleboymft.com
Imagine this: Woman and guy date, and unexpectedly the guy stops texting and communicating with the woman.
She’s wondering what happened and what she could have possibly done wrong. She’s wondering if there will be other dates, or if they’ve already reached the end of the road.
There are no easy answers.
Only the man knows exactly why he ceased texting. Unless he is willing to communicate openly and honestly, she may have to be willing to accept the lack of communication as a lack of relationship continuation.
The human brain and psyche desire communication, connection, answers and closure.
The dilemma is that we as human beings have zero control over other human beings.
If he determines that he does not want to communicate, she has no choice but to accept his decision.
His lack of texting or communication is indeed a decision. To hold on to the memory of him and what could have happened develops a “mental pit” that is unnecessary.
Inside the mental pit is “what if”, “why won’t he”, “what did I do”, “is everything ok”, “how dare he”, “who is with him”, etc.
If she allows the mental pit to hold her thoughts captive, she will continue holding a torch for a potential relationship that may never develop, or develop any further.
One of the biggest solutions for a woman who has lost communication with the man she is dating is to transition her thoughts to upcoming activities and events she and her friends or family can participate in for the upcoming few weeks.
Another solution is to sit down and write him a letter she does not physically send.
In the letter, she details her thoughts, feelings, hurts, or confusion about his disappearance. There is a therapeutic quality about taking what is internal and externalizing it onto paper. This is why journaling is one of the most therapeutic activities people can engage in daily.
Furthermore, the woman has the ability to accept the things she can not change. Therefore, time is indeed a factor in her healing. She must take the time to process and move forward, neither hoping for him to come back nor hoping to meet someone immediately to fill the relational void.
If he does communicate with her after some time, she has to decide if she wants to allow potentially inconsistent behavior in her life.
Sometimes it is worth the investment and other times, it is not worth the roller coaster. She must choose wisely and weigh his behavior before allow the relationship to progress seriously.
Joy McNeil, PhD, LPC, TFCBT – www.thewellingplace.com
The number one thing about a masculine to know is; when they are interested, they will pursue you.
Granted, relationships can go through ups and downs and sometimes he will pull away not because he is uninterested but to clear his head.
Masculine identify with consciousness after all & on a nervous system level they require and can also handle less stimulation than the feminine, sometimes they really do just need space, and healthy space is always good in relationship.
First thing is, how much time has it been?
If he isn’t responding in an hour or a few, or even within a day in the very beginning, this is totally normal, communication should build naturally over time.
Regardless of whether its new or you’ve been in the relationship for a while, the answer is still usually the same…
Let it go. Give him time and space.
If you genuinely pushed him away, or acted in anger, etc etc please feel free to communicate your side and apologize, avoid making assumptions about the outcome or what he’s thinking, feeling, etc speak clearly and calmly and say “I’m open to reconnecting” and then again ….
Let it go.
Not from a place of anger or detachment, but from a place of tranquility and peace… trusting that if its meant to be, it will be and remembering to be clear and available but not to beg or chase anyone. They say there are two things in life you’ll never have to chase one is true friendship, the other is true love.
There is this magical place in love and relating of give and receive, if you are giving too much or over sharing, you can push your partner away… and on the flip side if you are giving too little and under sharing you can do the same thing.
There is this magical place of give and receive… show through actions, tell a little, etc. if there is a deficit on either side, it just wont work.
If you find yourself always reaching out, or always sharing, and he is continuously going MIA or being non responsive, you should move on and open yourself to meeting someone who truly is interested in you.
Be mindful about the choices you make and how you present yourself.
Don’t play games or over think every little thing you say etc. etc. etc. only text him if he texts you first etc. etc. no… women of value don’t play hard to get, they are hard to get because they know their worth and they are worth it, no game playing necessary.
Just BE yourself, be authentic, connect authentically when you feel it, and then let it go…
Trust that the right one will be responsive and even if you don’t hear from him for a little bit, you will, and anyone less than that, release to make space for the right one to come in.
In the meantime, love yourself, give the time and energy you would spend obsessing about them not getting back to you, what they might be thinking or feeling etc. back to yourself and fill up your own cup.
When we do this and we settle for no less than we deserve with an open loving heart, we make the statement that we believe we are truly worthy of love. You are worth it, act accordingly. That’s when it will come in.
Ashley Davene, Relationship Counselor – www.ashleydavene.com
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