What if you knew what men secretly wanted but they could never tell you

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How To Be More Feminine and Soft – Here are 5 Relationship Experts Tips + Insights

by Julie Ferman – B.A., Cynthia Pickett – LCSW, LADC, Amanda Patterson – LMHC, Brooke Campbell – M.A., RDT-BCT, LCAT, Ileana Hinojosa – MLA, LMFT, Wendy Whitmore – MS, LMFT

How To Be More Feminine and Soft

“Authentic femininity is a combination of class, tenderness and virtue. When a woman possesses these traits, a man will naturally want to be more of a gentleman around her.”

~ Jason Evert

Jason Evert Authentic Femininity Quote
Julie Ferman

We women are sensual beings – take time each day to pause for reflection or a short, sweet meditation. 

Steal a quick 30 seconds of conscious peace, when the traffic light changes to yellow – rather than speeding up to sneak in on the tail end of the yellow light, slow up to catch that minute or two of peace while pausing at the red light. 

Find those quiet moments to tune into the gorgeous sound of birds chirping, the enlivening feeling of the sun on your shoulders, the sweetness of your morning orange juice, the tantalizing aroma of brewing coffee, and the life giving burst of color in the floral section of the supermarket.

We girls are the connectors of the universe. 

Especially when life is difficult, serving up rotten tomatoes, look for ways to brighten the lives of the beautiful humans who cross your path each and every day. 

Choose someone from your world whom you know is struggling, and send off an email message, pick up the phone or send a card with a heartfelt message. 

Find those sweet little opportunities that exist for each of us every day, to contribute to and to serve others. 

When someone cuts you off in traffic or barks at you in the office, take a breath, count to eight and allow your communication to be from a place of choice, rather than reacting in haste. Speak with honor, respect, and compassion.

Take time each morning to fluff up and fix your hair, clean that gorgeous skin of yours, apply moisturizer, lip balm, hand and body cream – honor the temple that your body is. 

Move your beautiful body every day, to get your blood flowing and your mind sharp. 

Take a few minutes to straighten up your home; we feel more feminine when things in our lives are in order, and each glimpse of an unmade bed or a sink full of dirty dishes tends to zap a bit of our feminine energy.

Smile. Whether you feel happy or not, choose to lift the corners of your mouth and feel the difference. 

And see how many smiles you can generate on the faces of the other gorgeous humans throughout your day. Focusing outward, vs. inward allows your radiant feminine energy to touch and enliven others, which feeds your soul, generating more smiles and more love.

In other words, love. 

Practice loving yourself and loving others. As to love is to be feminine. And to be feminine is to love.

Julie Ferman, B.A. – www.julieferman.com

Cynthia Pickett

In today’s world of go, go, go and rush, rush, rush, it is hard to nurture our feminine side! For me it is about balancing the yin and the yang energy within myself.

Yin energy is the feminine. It is the soft, nurturing, creative, quiet, and intuitive side of us. 

Yang energy is the masculine. It is aggressive, task oriented, warlike energy. 

Yang energy does not just apply to military action but also being at war with running a household, getting the list of “to-do’s” done, or with your own family. Both men and women have both yin and yang energy. 

By nurturing the yin side of ourselves we feel softer, calmer and more feminine.

There are many things that can be done. 

Developing a daily meditation routine before the kids get up, cut back on your schedule where you can (hint: most kids are way over scheduled these days). Fix a meal and enjoy the process, be creative with it. 

Paint, write, doodle, listen to softer music (it doesn’t have to be classical but not metal or head banging music), play a musical instrument (a jug counts).

Make a craft, play with kids, literally stop and feel the sunshine and smell the roses. These are all things that both men and women can do to balance the two sides of themselves.

In addition, do specific girlie girl things like get a new hairstyle, get a mani/pedi, buy new makeup, get a makeover, take a hot bath and light candles. 

Buy yourself a new outfit, something that makes you feel pretty. Wear fancy lingerie to work or out running errands. 

Don’t just wear lingerie for your partner but wear it for yourself too. 

You can’t help feeling more feminine with this one. And lastly, breathe! Breathing is probably the single most important, healthy thing you can do for yourself. It is very balancing and will help you to calm. 

Most people breathe from their chest but this needs to be done from the belly below the belly button. You won’t believe how your life will change just with this one step.

All in all it is about bringing balance in to your life. 

By consciously working to balance the yin and yang energies you will feel stronger, calmer and be able to aggressively knock out the “to-do” list while softly taking care of yourself and your family.

Cynthia Pickett, LCSW, LADC – www.cynthiapickett.com

Amanda Patterson

Interested in stepping into your female power but unsure of how to do it? Looking to balance the masculine energy that comes along with being in the corporate world with the femininity required to be in a relationship? Here are four steps for you to follow in order to channel your inner Goddess. She is there waiting to be unleashed to her full potential.

1. Look at what it means to be feminine to you

Women receive all type of messages about what it means to be a woman. 

What are some of the messages you received? That women have to be thin or wear heels? That women need to cook in clean and clean in order to be valuable? 

It is important to look at the healthy and unhealthy thinking patterns that impact your view of femininity. 

Look for ways in your life you are already feminine. This first step is getting a solid foundation as to what femininity has meant to you so far.

2. Work on limiting belief systems that impact your femininity

Through your look into your views of femininity maybe you discovered that you believe that women have to be in make-up at all times or that you need to be able to balance home, work, family, friends and your personal life at 100%. 

What are some of the unhealthy thinking patterns you discovered that you have related to being feminine? 

With the help of a therapist or a self-help workbook, you can easily apply Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy to help replace your thoughts.

3. Create new beliefs about what it means to be feminine

Through your personal work, you will move to the next step of creating new belief systems about how you intend to unleash the Goddess within. It is time to create new thinking patterns. 

Look to your role models for ways they are feminine. 

Look to women in your industry, in the type of relationships you want or women in power to see how they express their female energy. 

Also, check in with yourself for guidance. Your inner being can serve as a guide for what makes you comfortable and what fits for you. Maybe you decide that wearing dresses helps make you feel feminine but you disagree that you should be the one making all of the meals.

4. Choose to love your feminine side

Once you have an idea of what it means to be feminine for you, it’s time to love that side of you! Compliment yourself when you feel the most beautiful. Reward small successes with bubble baths, new make-up or even a new outfit for a special occasion. 

Once the inner Goddess is embraced, there are no limits to the successes she can bring.

Amanda Patterson, LMHC – www.amandapattersonlmhc.com

Brooke Campbell

Women struggle to have it all: the career and the relationship of their dreams, which often times leaves them feeling stuck.

In today’s society, messages are sent to women to be it all and do it all, simultaneously.

These high demands we place on ourselves are unrealistic and unobtainable.

The key to shifting into a feminine energy in the context of relationships revolves around one little word: vulnerability.

This is why women struggle with shifting from their masculine-needed work energy to a more vulnerable feminine energy in their relationships.

Feminine and masculine qualities present as polar opposites of the spectrum.

Women must feel safe: emotionally, physically, psychologically, financially, and sexually to reveal their vulnerability with their partner.

Relationships must be rooted in equality first before vulnerability can be shown.

Ask yourself:

  • Do my thoughts and matter to this person?
  • Do we share in decision-making or is my partner always calling the shots?
  • Are my values respected?
  • Am I free to express my independence separate from this relationship?
  • Does my partner positively support me when I make steps to reach my goals?

If you answered yes all of the questions above then perhaps you feel safe enough to reveal your vulnerability with your partner.

Once you can identify that you feel safe to let your guard down, you can allow your feminine side to shine through.

Brooke Campbell, M.A., RDT-BCT, LCAT – www.creativekinections.com

Wendy Whitmore

Often times as women we tend to ignore our feminine side. 

We forget that as women we are powerful, nurturing, forgiving, sweet, kind, compassionate, givers of life and the voice of reason in our families. We forget that embracing our femininity is a sign of strength and confidence in who we are and what we represent. 

And we forget that when we choose to embrace our femininity with no reservations, we are teaching our daughters, nieces, little sisters and young girls in our community that it is ok to be Sweet, Soft and Sensual.

There are times when we are ostracized for being too sweet, too sexy, too sensual or too emotional. 

We often find that being a woman that embraces her femininity is frowned upon and so we make the decision to cover up more, be less sweet, turn our emotions down and embrace more of our masculine side instead. 

I have found that when I was younger and was challenged by a male colleague, lover, or friend/family member that I would turn away from being Sweet, Soft and Sensual and instead present myself as Hard, Neutral and Laid Back.

We as women find the need to adapt to our surroundings, instead of demanding that our surroundings accept us for who we are. 

We as women will discredit the amazing feeling of power that we thrive on because of our femininity. And we as women often allow ourselves to be shamed for wearing our hearts on our sleeves and embracing our curves and not covering

So the question is WHY? 

  • Why do we feel the need to be who we are not? 
  • Why do we feel the need to adapt and fit the mold of what makes our male counterparts, elders, and colleagues (both male and female) more comfortable and accepting of us? 
  • AND Why do we settle for anything less than the respect that we deserve for being exactly who we are?

The answer to that is simple and complex all in one; FEAR. Fear of not being loved. Fear of not being respected. And the fear of being judged by the people who matter most.

  • So I ask you, how long will you live in fear? 
  • How long will you allow yourself to be ostracized and made to feel ashamed for being Sweet, Soft and Sensual? 
  • And how long will you adapt for the comfort of others; ignoring the power that lives within embracing your femininity?

Wendy Whitmore, MS, LMFT – www.truthhealingevolution.com

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