“Find yourself first…like yourself first…love yourself FIRST…& friendship & love will naturally find YOU.”
~ Mandy Hale
If you have recently gone through a divorce or a break up, you may be worried that you will never find love again.
Being in a painful marriage which ends in divorce can often leave women feeling unloved, or worse, unlovable. Feeling sad, confused, lonely, betrayed, angry?
These are all feelings that women report as they navigate the painful process of divorce, but feeling unlovable can be one of the most painful.
Let’s talk about 4 things you can do to regain your sense of lovability.
1. Spend time with the people who DO love you.
If your spouse has fallen out of love with you, or fallen in love with someone else, it can feel like your lovability rating has declined. It is important to reach out to the people in your life who truly see you, value you and love you.
Maybe that is your kids, the women in your book group or tennis team, an old college friend, or your co-worker. Don’t wait for those people to reach out to you. Reach out to them, and like sun on your face after a rainy spring, let their love for you warm you.
2. Spend time loving yourself.
I know it sounds like a cliche, but it is actually true that in order to heal from a divorce, you must spend time figuring out who you are, what you like, and then do those things.
From the tiny (you love mangos but never bought them because your spouse was allergic) to the medium (repaint that bedroom the color YOU love) to the bigger things (take that class in finance/stained glass/web design), this is the time to figure out what you love.
Preferably often, preferably outside, preferably with a friend, but any exercise is better than nothing. There is plenty of research to show that the better we feel physically, the better we feel emotionally. Get your body moving!
4. Join a support group.
Find a support group in your area or online where you can talk about your feelings and get the support you need. Sometimes it is hard to see your own strength until you see it reflected in others. Supporting others has the added bonus of making you feel valuable and needed.
Oona Metz, LICSW, CGP – www.oonametz.com
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