“A busy, vibrant, goal-oriented woman is so much more attractive than a woman who waits around for a man to validate her existence.”
~ Mandy Hale
If you find yourself in the difficult predicament of loving someone that doesn’t want to commit, I know how heartbreaking that can be. You might feel stuck and helpless, because whether you leave or stay you aren’t exactly getting what you want. It is almost impossible to navigate a situation that you have no control over.
You can’t exactly force someone to do something that they don’t want to do.
However, there is one thing that you can control and that is how you decide to respond.
As you probably know already, you can’t exactly control who you fall in love with, and you certainly can’t make a man commit if he doesn’t want to, but you CAN control how you decide to deal with the situation at hand.
Below is my advice to anyone who desires commitment from a man and wants to know how to best navigate the situation.
1. Shift your focus onto yourself.
Many women are so focused on others, they lose themselves and what it is that they really want.
If you are looking for a commitment, or an exclusive relationship that is eventually heading towards marriage, and your current love interest is clearly telling you that is something he doesn’t want. It’s time to DIG deep and stick to what it is that you really want.
Ask yourself, “Is it okay with me that I stay with someone who doesn’t want to commit?” “Would I be fine with being in a relationship that might not lead towards marriage?”
2. Try not to base your inherent value on his inability to commit.
You might be doubting yourself and your worth because someone you love doesn’t want to commit to you. However, I can assure you that his inability to commit has nothing to do with you.
He has his own reasons for not wanting to commit, whether he can properly communicate that or not, try not to internalize that. Him not wanting a committed relationship doesn’t mean there is something wrong with you.
3. Don’t stay in hopes he will change his mind.
I have seen many women waiting around for years for their man to commit, some end up getting what they want and others seem stuck and helpless. I would give myself a timeline and if nothing seems to be moving forward, then it’s up to you to exit the relationship.
The women who did eventually get their men to commit were the ones willing to leave.
However, with that said, I wouldn’t leave in hopes he would change. Leave when it no longer fits with the kind of relationship it is that you want.
4. Make sure you are sticking to your own values.
Many of us bend and stretch for the men we love. It is fine to compromise; however, it is instrumental to know what your non-negotiables are in a relationship.
If you bend and stretch too much for the person you love, you might end up missing an important person in the relationship, YOURSELF. Compromising doesn’t mean ignoring your own needs.
Ilene Cohen, Ph.D. – www.doctorilene.com
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