“It is necessary, and even vital, to set standards for your life and the people you allow in it.”
~ Mandy Hale
You and a man have gone on a few dates. He shows interest in you and you in him. There is some fun, light conversation, mixed with flirtation and kissing. He tells you he likes you, that he had fun and wants to see you again.
All the above indicates that a man is interested in a woman, right? Yes.
But, how can you know if there is potential of a relationship at the beginning? How can you know after just a few dates if he is serious about getting to know you better or just playing?
Here are 5 key behaviors to pay attention to when you’re dating.
If you pay attention to these important signs, you’ll save yourself time, energy and disappointment.
1. He calls
The first sign to look for to know if a man is interested in getting to know you is if he calls. Not only does calling take more effort than a text, it’s a sign that he values and respects you. It also shows that he likes to hear your voice.
Although a text is more convenient and necessary to just check in or confirm plans (or even flirt), a phone call is a more intimate gesture and is a good segway to develop a connection with someone. For you, hearing the man’s voice can also be the connection that you need.
2. He shows interest
When a man is interested in a woman, he shows interest in her by asking about her day, her work, family and friends. He’ll ask questions, follow-up and listen.
For a man that’s interested in a woman, it’s important to him how he connects with her, not only on dates, but in between to maintain a connection.
Nothing is more unattractive than a conversation that is one-sided. You will know immediately if his interest is genuine by the way he talks to you.
3. He makes plans
A steadfast way to know if he’s interested is if he makes plans to see you. If he’s serious about you, he’ll want to spend time with you. He’ll call, ask you when you’re free and especially give you advance notice.
A man that does not give notice to get-together on a regular basis isn’t valuing your time or respecting you.
He assumes you’ll be there at a minute’s notice.
Another way to know is if he understands if your schedule doesn’t allow for you to meet up. He’ll be flexible and ask to see you another day. When your time and priorities are valued, you will feel that you’re getting to know a man that respects you and your boundaries.
4. He does what he says
A man that wants to get to know you better will do what he says. He will call when he says he will and follow through with dates. He will also be on time. When it comes to human psychology, behavior says a lot.
If his behavior matches his words, you have someone who can make a commitment and keep it.
Nothing feels more special when you are looking forward to seeing your man and there he is.
5. He appreciates the little things
Having a romantic dinner, going on vacation and having elaborate plans are always exciting, but the little things can be far more meaningful.
A man that’s serious about a woman will enjoy spending time with her, just sitting on the couch, talking or watching a movie. He likes being in her presence. It’s the woman that he likes. You will know if he’s “into you.” You will not have to guess.
If you pay attention to these simple behaviors, you will be far ahead in the dating game.
Not only will you be getting to know someone that you like, are attracted to and have a connection with, you will feel more respected and empowered in the process.
Kavita A. Hatten, MS, LPC, NCC – www.phoenixcounseling.net
We’ve all been there. Meet a guy that peaks your interest, start spending time with him, feelings seem to be mutual, but something feels off. You can’t help but wonder …does he want to take this further or is he just playing me?
Being played can be a very hurtful experience and, like many women who’ve been played before, there’s often a fear or hesitancy of being played again. Knowing the signs and what to look for can help you determine a guy’s intentions. Once you can figure this out and have an honest conversation with him, you can then make the best decision for you and your life.
Watch for a pattern of these behaviors:
- Inconsistency: This behavior can be evident in his communication, keeping of plans, and so forth.
- Keep in mind…His work schedule and other life obligations may prevent him from being consistent, but be aware of how often, when, and how he’s communicating this to you.
- Unavailability: To put it simply, he’s not there when you need him in a meaningful way. However, he doesn’t hesitate to call you when he wants something (a place to stay, hook up, etc.).
- Keep in mind…You need to be honest with yourself of what is realistic when it comes to needing him to be there for you, how often, and in what situations.
- Uninterested: You find yourself knowing more about him than he knows about you. You’re great at asking questions, but he rarely asks you something that would help him have a deeper understanding of you.
- Keep in mind…Some men struggle with understanding the importance of being curious about you and showing that by asking questions.
- Uncommitted: Early stages of dating can be a bit more easygoing and talking to other people does occur. However, a lack of clarity and even avoidance of it can oftentimes clearly show you where he stands.
In addition to noticing these signs is the importance of being critical in your thinking and decision making when they are noticed.
The most important indicators to make note of are 1.) these behaviors are a pattern rather than a one-time event and 2.) his unwillingness to discuss these if you bring them up. This awareness will then get you a few steps closer to realizing whether or not he’s playing you.
Sarah Vendegna, MS, LPC – www.vendegnacounseling.com
If you are dating someone and you’re wondering if he’s serious about you, he probably isn’t.
When someone is serious about you, you can feel it. He will contact you regularly, and you will feel the sincerity of his desire to see you and spend time together. You will not have to guess.
Although the beginning of relationships can be slow going, you can sense when someone is truly interested in you through your intuition.
And if you also have a strong interest in him, he will also know it. There is no need to play games, but simply to let things take their natural course without trying to control or force anything.
When someone is not interested in you, you will often have an uneasy feeling and that can lead to triggering abandonment anxiety.
If this is happening to you, you may have unrealistic expectations of someone who does not want the same things that you do. If this is the case, let yourself accept things exactly as they are and continue to invest in yourself and to move forward in your life.
Not only is it important that someone is serious about you, but also ask yourself if you are serious about him.
Examine your value system and his, and see if you line up well. If you do, and things continue to progress, you could be in a relationship that lasts longer than a season. Trust the process, trust your intuition, and trust the universe to take care of you.
Anita Gadhia-Smith, PsyD, LCSW-C, LICSW – www.drgadhiasmith.com
Before you look at the man you are dating, let’s take a long, honest look in the mirror at yourself.
Are you serious about dating? What do I mean?
- Are you dating this man because he’s there? Because he asked or was the one guy who paid you a compliment? or are you choosing him because of his finer qualities? How he treats others walking down the street? Talks to wait staff? And most of all, treats you? Does he make you a priority because you also make you a priority in your own life?
- Have you been open and vulnerable with your man about your feelings, hopes, fears and dreams and did he embrace and nurture you, acknowledging that you have let him into a special place in your heart just by being that open with him? Or did he pull away, distancing himself from the sight of your vulnerability and did you still remain with him?
- Do you find yourself making excuses for his behavior, even defending his lack of consideration to you and others, because of his past wounds and pain stories?
- Do you keep accepting his inconsistent behavior, attention and affection toward you? Does he walk all over any boundaries you set, and you don’t do anything to maintain the boundaries with him?
The truth is how you show up in your own worthiness directly relates to how a man treats you and will continue to treat you.
Because you won’t even attract a player if you know your worth and are willing to wait for a quality man to show up, step up and pursue you.
A woman who is seriously committed to her own value and able to stand strong and firm for her boundaries will attract a man who respects that and sees that as a quality to admire. Because then it means something to him when you do open up to him.
So get out there, flirt with life, not just men and love, be generous with your heart and compliments so that it’s easier to show the next man you date a deeper piece of your heart because you live life that way.
Risk it. And pay attention to how he treats you and others. And at the first sight of inconsiderate behavior make a choice – to stay with a man and accept said player behavior, or decide to take a stand for what you want, need and desire in a partner.
The man will either change his ways to be a better man or he will walk. Either way, you WIN!
Kate Houston, Love Coach – www.fabulousandfearlessover40.com
The best way to know is to simply ask him what are his intentions.
Being so direct could be very anxiety provoking for a lot of people but think about all the time you will save yourself being anxious wondering and not knowing what’s in his head?
They say honesty is the best policy, so then be honest with him about your intentions for the relationship and also be direct when questioning him about his intentions.
If you are going on a first date or you have just recently started dating him, you can still be direct in letting him know what you are looking for.
Just by putting it out there by saying something to the effect of “I’m at a point in my life where I finally feel ready to settle down with the right person” or “I’m looking for a meaningful connection” let’s him know right off the bat that you are not into wasting your time.
If this scares him away, then he is not looking for the same thing that you are.
So if that’s the case, do you want to continue investing your time and energy into someone who is not on the same page as you are?
If you are direct and he tells you that he is also looking for a serious relationship, but then his actions show otherwise, then you know he wasn’t being honest with you.
His words and actions need to line up with each other. Pay attention to if he is stalling on introducing you to his friends and family. Also pay attention to how often he calls you during the week and how frequently he asks to make plans to see you.
Jackie Krol, LCSW – www.psychotherapistjackie.com
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