“It is necessary, and even vital, to set standards for your life and the people you allow in it.”
~ Mandy Hale
A lot depends on:
- How certain you are about the rightness of the relationship,
- How long you’ve been waiting for an answer, and
- Whether your boyfriend’s uncertainty is a symptom of a deeper ambivalence that could cause trouble in the future.
Whatever his reasons, the most important person to consider is you.
- Does this man bring out the brightest in you?
- Do you feel treasured and safe in his presence?
- Is he someone you can count on when times get tough?
Look at the evidence. Don’t ignore red flags like anger issues, substance abuse, or chronic unemployment. These tend to get worse over time, not better.
What ultimately tears couples apart doesn’t ‘show up’ after many years. The signs were there from the start.
The women weren’t blind or stupid. They saw the signs, but believed that the drinking, rage, lies, negativity, self-absorption, under-employment, Silent Treatment, infidelity would end if their partners finally received the love and support they deserved.
The best of what I can offer is this warning: Don’t ignore or excuse troubling behavior or traits.
Look for the potential. Look for the good in your partner, but make sure you aren’t excusing, explaining away, or assuming that the good qualities represent “the REAL person,” and that the bad qualities can be erased with enough love.
Betsy Sansby, MS, LMFT – www.betsysansby.com
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