“You are imperfect, you are wired for struggle, but you are worthy of love and belonging.”
~ Brené Brown
1. Accountability -it is what it is!
It is during the courting time that a person puts their best foot forward, so this very well could be a thread of a tapestry that evolves into a picture, a masterpiece or something that needs to be scrapped all together.
The truth is we only have the ‘now’ that is real.
The first step is to be accountable for this being the reality you are accepting.
If you want more that your partner is offering, then reassess, remember this is a choice, your choice. See what is now.
Unless your man is offering the commitment you desire, you can make a different choice.
If it’s not going anywhere, you may be entering a vortex of angst where you want one thing and he wants another. This inevitably creates a relationship of uncertainty and chaos, in which, eventually worsen if not breaks completely apart.
2. Ask! So that you can receive.
You deserve to know the truth and your partner deserves to know what you want. One of the first missteps couples make is they forget to ask. It’s important to remember to communicate, as he may not know what you want. What you believe to be obvious may not be so for him.
Do not assume you two are on the same page without asking.
Committed and long-lasting relationships require ongoing asking, collaborating, and negotiating. Ask your man what he wants, and what he believes you want.
If you are on different tracks, then you can ask how, and if, you can navigate your ways to get on the same path. Speak up and ask and keep on asking.
3. Accommodate by starting where he is at
Can you start where he is at and be open to allow the relationship to grow? Are you open to compromise the speed and progress of what he has to offer?
If you want to keep the relationship going, there are ways to make it work.
Observe and work to know each other’s desire with the intent to meet in the middle for lasting success.
4. Accentuate you have time.
You may choose to allow some breathing room for the relationship to grow, like a budding flower. Depending on the animation between the two of you, some things are worth taking time to figure out.
Allowing space and time to plant your garden of Eden, fertilize the union and stand back and observe what you can create is part of budding and maturing into a desirable and sustaining duo.
This is your journey and moving forward together towards forever or parting ways will come in the time you are ready to know… as long as you start with you, ask, accommodate his starting place and accentuate that this is the time to celebrate, explore and trust that you will know, as we all know more than we know we know!
Cheri McDonald, PhD, LMFT – www.aplace2turn.com
If the man you are dating is not ready for a relationship but still wants to see you, ask yourself why you would want to hang in there with someone that is not fully available.
If you decide you don’t want to close that door, it is wise to go extra slow, and give it time.
This might mean reducing the frequency with which you see each other, minimizing your expectations, protecting your heart, and being intentional about how involved you want to be.
It might be difficult if you really like him, but building some capacity to wait, and tolerate uncertainty could be a good practice too. Be sensitive to your needs and how you feel.
Dating someone that is not ready is not ideal, and it might not work for you.
If he is not ready, it means that he is not available which can be hurtful if you have a sensitive or insecure attachment style, that can be activated by his lack of presence, consistency and availability.
It is sensible for you to take care of yourself first, and gage how much you can ‘hang in there’, while you determine how much you really want to date someone that is not ready.
You can also focus on building a friendship first which is not a bad idea, and keeping other dating options open, so all of your energy is not only going to him.
Take things with a grain of salt, have discernment, and asses realistically if him not being ready is temporary or a pattern in his life.
Juana Rincón, MA, LPC – www.unnidocounseling.com
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